My story.

A few months have passed and this site is yet to come online.. I've been thinking about it, changing the designs and redesigning it again. I wasn't in a happy place, I didn't want to put my site online. I didn't want to expose myself and I definitely didn't want people reading it. Then why do it? Things have changed, yes i'm still not sure about putting this online, but a side of me has the urge to post this.

When I started coming up with ideas to make this site, I just came back from a huge adventure. Me as a 17 year old girl wanted to go to the US for a year. Ever since High school musical came out 10 years ago (I feel so old!!!!) I wanted to go to the US to experience high school. So 10 years later, I graduated and planned my trip to the US. It took lots of time and questions but eventually I got an amazing hostmom in Amarillo, Texas.

On August 12th, I said goodbye to my friends and family, leaving to go to New York and a few days later, Texas. Saying goodbye was hard, probably one of the most hardest things I ever had to do. But it all changed in the plane on our way to New York. Arriving there with the other exchange students and experiencing New York was awesome and we all had a great time! Getting to know the people with the same dream as me was strange at first, but it was an unforgettable experience for all of us.

NEW YORK

Brooklyn bridge

3 days later I flew to Amarillo, Texas. Where I met my hostmom and her family. To make my story not an hour long, I had an amazing time. We did things I will never forget. Went to Albuquerque, the drive-in cinema, "real" american football games. Everyone was so nice and I will never forget them. I got to experience the real american high school and culture, it is different, but it's never wrong or bad. I loved playing soccer and eating american food (YES, it is so much!!!) And the saying 'everything is bigger in America' is definitely true. I'm so thankful for this experience with my hostfamily, I had the best time with her and her family.

But the otherside of my story was homesickness. I've had to deal with this before, ever since I was a little girl I had struggled with homesickness. But I thought I grew over it. I thought wrong. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to deal with. Seeing my parents upset because I was upset, not being able to laugh anymore, feeling sick because I missed home so much. With all the support from home, my family and friends and from my hostmom and her family I decided to go home, after 3 months of being in the US.

Just to make things clear, I had an amazing time, I enjoyed almost every minute. But the homesickness got too much. I had to leave my second family and friends behind to be with my 'real' family.

When I got home, it was amazing to be able to hug my mom and dad again, to see my friends and to be able to hang out with them.

But it also was an emotional rollarcoaster. I shut everyone out, I felt like I failed them by not staying in the US. I had a feeling I failed myself by giving up my dream. I didn't have energy to do anything, I didn't want to go out, I didn't want to look for a job and I definitely didn't want to talk about it. I wanted to be on my own, I wanted to figure this out by myself, I didn't want to bother anyone else, so I didn't. My family asked if I was okay and I said yes, my friends asked if I was fine and I said yes. But I wasn't.

On january 1st I decided to pull myself together, I was overthinking everything, but decided to go see a therapist. Someone to talk to and someone to share how I was thinking. I don't think talking to someone will ever be a bad thing, just to make up your mind or to clear your thoughts, it can have a huge impact on your life. It might be hard but it's worth it! I talk to her once in 2 weeks. Which has been such a relieve for me. I found myself a job, I hang out with friends more and I am happy again.

I didn't give up on my dream, I tried and tried and tried but it just wasn't for me. I didn't let anyone down, I just thought I did. I am happy again.

I just wanted to share my story, I'm not afraid of what others are thinking. I am proud of my journey and proud of how I dealed with it. I know I will never be able to put into words how thankful I am for my parents, my family, my amazing friends here and my awesome exchange friends in the US (you know who you are), but I will try. To the girls still in the US, thank you for supporting me, I'm so proud of y'all. For everyone here, thank you for putting up with me and helping me through this. And for everyone reading this, y'all are amazing. I love you all lots.

#life